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You’re Not Dead Are You?

^{I’m not dead honest… It’s only been four years.}

27th September 2018.

I woke up in bed, eyes still closed, I moved my arm and felt my elbow hit something. I opened my eyes and realised I wasn’t alone, the room was still dark, but I could see the form of someone laying next to me.

They were laying flat on their back, there was something cold and sterile about it, almost like a corpse laying on a mortuary slab on a TV show. They were wearing black jeans, a white T-shirt with blue sleeves and some kind of image on the front, it was the hair that gave away their identity. No mistaking it. [DILD]

That fact she was in my room didn’t really bother me, I could help but shake the feeling that something was really wrong. I said her name, but got no response. I moved my hand, placing it onto her chest not sure if I would feel her chest rise and fall or just a cold body. I said her name again as I touched her, again she didn’t respond. I could feel her ribs through the t-shirt, there was no breathing but she wasn’t cold.

I reached up and cupped her face intending to turn her head towards me, but she turned completely moving onto her side. She looked at me then, her eyes were so blue almost as if they were emitting light. I asked her why she was here. She smiled wryly and said she wasn’t really sure. She just… Wanted to see me.

She spoke more, but her words kept getting cut like a mobile phone with a poor connection. The only thing I could really make out was the words ‘need help’. I was suddenly filled with a feeling of dread. Normally there are no people in my false awakening dreams, in the rare instances that there are, they are usually people who have died. I asked in a rather stern manner ‘You’re not dead are you?’.

She looked at me, no emotion, no feeling in her eyes just bright and glowing. She only muttered the word ‘No’ in a tone that suggested I was just being silly now. It took me until now to realise this was not the P. that I knew, it was definitely her but younger. Her face was softer, arms completely void of tattoos. I was about to ask her how old she was when she said: ‘I tried to hang myself once. I was 18.’

Even though she said other wise, I couldn’t help but feel something was seriously wrong. I was about to question her when my eyes started to feel heavy, I realised I was losing the dream. I reached out and asked her if she’d take my hand, I was hoping to at least keep the dream alive by making contact even if I couldn’t see any more. I felt her fingers interlace with mine as she said the word ‘No’. I was confused at first, I didn’t understand why she would say no and take my hand anyway, but as the dream started to fade and I could feel my real body I realised she was saying no to my intention of using physical contact to stay in the dream.

I woke up in bed, I was alone. I saw a slight movement as I looked up I saw a spider on the bed walking away from me. It was hard to tell for sure but I could have sworn it was wearing clothes. I muttered the word Anansi? The spider stopped, turned, looked at me and then continued walking away as I woke up…

Doctor’s Appointment.

13^th May

 

I found myself in my grandfather’s house. There were other people but I wasn’t really paying much attention to them, I felt the need to pee and walked out of the living room to the downstairs toilet. The door was shut, so I turned around and went upstairs.

At the top of the stairs I looked down the hallway, there were no longer any rooms on the side, it was just a small corridor littered with items. I acknowledged the change in my mind, but allowed the dream to play out as it was. I made my way down, looking around as I went, to my left there was desks and chairs. Everything but the chair was littered with things, ranging from books and paper to random little trinkets.

On my right there was a TV, it was on but showing static. There was just enough room here to sit in the chair and watch the TV directly opposite, and I thought that maybe this is where my grandfather would watch TV when upstairs.

I turned around and there was now a doorway to the left, after walking through I found myself outside. The area was quiet large and grassy, with trees around the edges. I walked forward and around the side of the wall on the left. There was an area that resembled that was walled up with wooden beams. I noticed there were doors on it, it took me a moment to realise that it was made to look like the front of the TARDIS.

I remember saying “I wonder if it’s bigger on the inside.”

I walked up to the doors and opened them, I realise I am not alone, but haven’t looked to see whose with me. I open the TARDIS door and see a long corridor behind it, but the path is blocked by wooden boards. There’s names scratched up to them and someone asks me who they are. I ‘recognise’ them as being names of Jenny’s “weird” friends.

She responds saying “they aren’t weird… much.” I guess now I know who was with me. I start to pull the wood away as I really want to get through the doors, but every time I pull them down new ones take their place.

A man jumps into view, it’s the 10^th Doctor. He asks us if we’re planning on going somewhere if we got inside. Jenny says she wants to go somewhere the Doctor has never been and I respond with: Oh the Doctor’s then.

*dream fades*

The Last Supper

26th April 2014

I found myself on the edge of a large white room. Everything thing seemed to be white, the décor, the furniture, and everything in between. Although everything seemed to be white, individual items could be clearly distinguished as though they had other colours, but their individuality was being merged into one but the light. Beyond the light there was a feeling of silver, like it was lurking in the background.

The apartment was Wyvern’s, he was playing host and this night was all about him. Although there was other people there, they seemed to come in and out as though no one was really here, but everyone was here.

I stepped into the room and the people became clearer, they continued to move in and out as though shifting realities continually. I was able to recognise some of them, one was Eilatan, another was Rhewin, most of the others were shadows to me, though I had a distinct feeling one was Thorn.

I moved up to the table and we ate as though we were all one. I looked at Wyvern, he was wearing a full white suit. He seemed to be content.

The scene started to change, the room seemed to change to what was needed at a given moment. The other people seemed to fade out for the final time and then we were in bed together. I was spooning Wyvern, it felt like I was on the edge of sleep when I heard his voice in my mind. “Everyone else has gone, why are you still here? “
“Because I love you and you know I’ll always be here for you, in one form or another, no matter what.” I feel him relax under my arms and I wish he would stay.

There seemed to be a time shift, we were still in bed, but now morning had come. Nothing seemed to have changed since the previous moment, but I instinctively knew he was awake now. I moved in such a way as to suggest a surprise was coming. There was a light growl as I rose over him. “I’m just messing, I knew you was awake.”

I blinked as I moved into a sitting position, keeping the white sheets over me. As I opened my eyes, wyvern had now changed and appeared as a Cat. The cat moved over the bed and sat in my lap, I stoked him as the last though to run through my mind before waking was: “I see.”

Black Snake

23^rd Sept 2013

I was walking down a corridor, making my way to my room. The building I was in was huge, it felt like I lived here but the building seemed more like a Hotel than a house. The corridor came to an end, the door to my room was straight ahead with three small steps leading up to the door, to my right was another room with the door ajar.

As I approached my room I realised there was a black snake in front of the door. I picked it up and the snake became wild; thrashing around and angry. The pattern on the snake was similar to a Burmese python, dark patches were jet black with a dark grey outline and the lighter weaving pattern was a silvery grey.  My right hand held the back of the snake with my left trying to control the head, as my hand slipped back the snake had enough room to turn and sink fangs into my left hand between the fore-finger and thumb.

Twisted Twisters

12^th September 2013

I was on a beach front road walking down it with my father; the area somewhat resembled Scarborough. We walked to the end of the road and reached a small beach shack selling random holiday type things. My father kept trying to buy me a kids quad-cycle. This caused some confusion, is I was having trouble understanding what age range I was supposed to be in.

As we were waiting people began to scream, I turned around. The beach scene was now a large grass field. There was a tornado approaching, it didn’t give off any sense of wind movement but it did make a low rumbling sound and it had a bluish tint, like a small LED light at the top. It didn’t seem to affect anything it touched, that is until it hit a person and then it sucked them upwards. This didn’t seem to be any ordinary tornado.

I grabbed my father’s hand and pulled him away and started running, somewhere along the way I grabbed an girl, she was around fourteen with blonde hair that fell to the middle of her back. I seemed to know this girl, there was a bond there.

Mohegan in the Attic

30^th May 2013

I was back at home (previous house from 1990-1997) my dad was in the loft, I could hear him banging about from the living room. I walked into the hallway as he was coming down the ladder. Something urged me to go up and have a look, as I neared the top I could hear a noise from the far end. Something was up there. (Many of my old dream would have this and the entity would feel dark and evil, as a result I was unnerved by the noise and felt a little scared.)

I turned around and told my father there was something up there. He climbed back up the ladder enough to see into the loft, as he started to turn around I could hear that it was almost right behind him. My mind was full of fear, I saw his eyes widen in shock at what he was seeing. He simply came back down the ladder, said nothing and walked past me.

I saw a shadow at the top, the outline of a snout and ears were clear, whatever it was, it was not human. It came into view then, the white and grey fur of a small wolf pup. It was less than a year old.  Any fear I had melted away on site of this beautiful young animal, I walked towards it as it climbed carefully down the ladder and started to stroke it. I looked at it and asked “Are you Mohegan?” The pup just looked up at me and his eyes shone a bright yellow-orange colour.

The Silver man

11^th March 2013

I found myself in my grandfather’s house. I was having trouble seeing; a combination of tunnel vision and darkness. There was four other people there, one was my grandfather and another was Wyvern though I didn’t register this for some time, it was Stephan in appearance, but I didn’t recognise this person as Stephan, he was sat in the old high-backed chair we got when I was child and gave to my grandfather soon after.  There was a woman there too, she had a sense of being both old and young.

The Beach

5^th Feb 2013

I found myself walking down a beach, the sand was soft and dry beneath my feet, the tide appeared to be out as there was some distance between me and the blue sea. To my right was a rock face, clearly this part of the beach was only accessible via a gaunt down the coast line. There was no steps or other means to scale the rocks.

I sat down on a towel that was already out on the beach next to a girl in a blue bikini, it took me a while to realise it was Jenny. She was reading a book and seemed quite captivated by it; barely acknowledging my arrival. It wasn’t until I lay down on the towel that I realise I was completely naked; it didn’t bother me in the slightest but I could have sworn I had clothes on before I sat down.

We talked for a while before a small group of girls approached us, one of them was Alex. The group was planning on going somewhere and was wondering if we wanted to join them, Alex seemed quite amused by my lack of clothing and couldn’t refrain from taking a peek when she thought no one was looking. The dream faded as we started to stand.

Night Flyer

13^th Jan 2013

I found myself in bed. It was dark and there was some weird glowing transfer on my ceiling light shade. I started to cough and pulled out a copy of this transfer, I realised that for some reason I could duplicate things. I went to reach for the lamp next to the bed; after fiddling with it I finally was able to switch it on but the lamp stayed dark. At this point my conscious mind kicked in and said: “Is this a dream?” quickly followed by “Oh for fucks sake!” I’m not entirely sure why the realisation caused me to be annoyed at the fact I was lucid, it could be related to the fact that I no longer chase lucidity and was hoping to see where this odd starting dream would take me.

After a few moments I decided to take advantage of the lucidity, as it had been a while since I had this high a level of lucidity. I decided I would fly for a little while and try and improve my skill. Although I attain lower levels of lucidity on a regular basis, flying is something I never quite mastered in human form. I walked out of my bedroom door and found myself in the back garden of my old girlfriend’s house. I started to focus on floating off the ground. It took me a while, but I started to move upwards, as I did I realised there was a network of metal cables all around the house. I slowly manoeuvred myself around the house, towards the front garden and eventually up and over the cables, and preceded to fly down the street. I was having a hard time getting any real height though. I was contemplating trying to flying into space as I woke up.

The Pack & Ghost Cat 2

Pack

16^th Dec 2012

I feel the need to warn that near the end of this dream is a rather detailed section describing violence to an infant. I have chosen to keep this in the dream as I do not like to edit them, however I have taken the option to change the colour of the text to a dark grey so the reader has the option to skip or read it. The scene may be distressing to some due to its nature. I cannot be held reliable for any distress caused if you chose to highlight and read the passage.

Me and my father had moved into a new house, which in my dreams is often my previous house, I remember thinking that I was ready to move on now. That the things that kept me tied to my current house were no longer holding me back. In older dreams where I have moved house with the family, I have always felt upset that I was leaving certain things behind that you might say I had become obsessed with or overly attached to. I was happy to be moving on now, and more so, I was so happy that I was back to my old house. A house I missed so much.

I decided to go outside and have a look around. The street was completely different to where the real house is situated. On one side there were houses of different sizes, from bungalows to row houses. The street was sloped, from my right hand side going up and down to the left. Opposite were trees and bushed, many of them were bare or turning Autumn gold. Behind those you could see the embankment drop. It kind of reminded me of Scarborough.

I went for a walk, turning left from the house and crossing the street. I made my way to a little benched that was facing the tree line. I noticed a little fox running around. I started to approach me so I stood on the bench, but it was able to take hold of my left foot. I felt no pain and didn’t believe that it had penetrated to boot I was wearing. I started to kick at it, trying to force it away from me. I managed to grab a long thick pole. It looked like a tree branch that had been stripped bare and smoothed out. I used it to push the fox back, then kicked the end hard. It didn’t seem to harm the fox, but it did push it down the embankment and out of my way.  The embankment seemed to steep for the fox to climb and I turned around and made my way back up the hill.